This should NOT happen!

In the news recently, you may have seen, as indeed I have, that a porn actor recently died. This is not particularly sad or interesting. He died by falling forty feet to his death though. While, that may be a noble and fancy death, I could not help but feel disgusted and horrified.

That is not how a pornstar should die! There are a few specific methods in which a pornstar can die. So, for all pornstars reading this blog, ie none, and all of you who read my blog who wants to be pornstars, ie nobody, I have compiled the list of ways in which they can die without any ramifications as being remembered as a fucking bumbaclut.

AIDs, or some other STD.

Pornstars, by their very nature, have sex a lot. This is almost always true, unless they are one of the poor depressed individuals who makes like a guest appearance as the husband who can't satisfy his wife enough. I can give her what she wants though. Oh yeah, god can I. I know what she wants. Me. Anyway, as such, it follows that should collect STDs, having at least five by the time they die and possibly one of those being the cause of death. Ever had syphillis? Ever left it untreated?

That is one superhero penis.

Attempting the Karma Sutra Method of Penis Enlargement

This may be a little more obscure, as I don't know how many of you have had the time to read the Karma Sutra. It is a long book. It is a boring book. It is a book written for men with four inch penises, and I am not cutting my dick in half just to be in the demographic. Anyway, the Karma Sutra is not just about sex positions. Oh no no no! How wrong you are! It also has a section on how to enlarge your dick. Brilliant, I hear you say. Unless you're a girl. A single lonely girl. Possibly ugly, with no hope of love. Statistics tell me those kinds of girls make up most of my readers. Sorry. Anyway, wanna know the method? Rubbing wasp stingers on your dick. Then hanging it through a hole.

So, if the pornstar is allergic to wasp stings, instant win. Tell your children the story.

'How did uncle die, daddy?'
'He tried too hard to have a big penis.'
'Yaaay!'

Outstanding.

Putting it in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I'm sure lots of you are disgusting perverts, and as such I'm sure lots of you have 69ed. This is not unusual for disgusting perverts such as yourselves. However, what you may not know is that many people when going through orgasm clamp down really hard. If you have put two and two together, you may decide that if you're really good at licking out, you should never 69 again.

If you put two and two together and got 69, then not only are you very sexually minded but you are also possibly retarded and should get that checked. Point being, due to the force of clamping down and the general lack of armour on a penis, orgasming when giving head can result in a very distinct lack of penis.

Any pornstar would be proud to proclaim as they were dying from loss of blood; 'I died because I made a woman orgasm so hard she bit my DICK off.'

Or in the suicide note (I would definitely kill myself were I to suffer from a distinct lack of penis) (That is the correct medical terminology) saying you had to end your life because you pleasured a woman SO MUCH, she had no choice to bite your dick off. No choice. Is that better than falling forty foot? Yes. Most certainly.

Risky Bestiality

By far, in my opinion, the best way to go. Pornstars should be remembered for how they braved daringly the cameras and the bright lights of glory to bring us poor males entertainment that we are too useless to get anywhere else. I'll take this opportunity here and now to thank every pornstar, male or female, for all they have done for me, my right hand, and my dick. In the holy name of glorious masturbation, I salute you all! And so do most people reading this blog, statistics show.

Anyway, point being, Pornstars should be remember in legend for being the most sexually daring, the most exciting, the most daredevil. They should fuck the almighty shit and possibly spine out of everything they see. This is of course a hard task, and is bound to go wrong.

Sadly, and depressingly for me, moreso because it reminds me of my complete stupidity; I am incapable of uploading another picture. The formatting on this website is awful.

Google image 'Angry Rhino' and now imagine having sex with it. That is the way a pornstar should go. Male or Female. Angry. Animal. Sex.

So there you go, four far more spectacular ways for a pornstar to die than fucking falling a bit too fucking far. Fuck.

NB: I had to fucking google 'syphillised penis.' Shit you search on google goes in a database man. They're gonna think I'm nuts.